November 26, 2010-present weight loss

2012 weight loss

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I have never blogged before. Actually, I have probably never written down my thoughts in any meaningful way before. I was never a Dear Diary kind of girl, and I am not a Dear Diary kind of woman. So this will be interesting. I might wind up stopping this whole blogging adventure in days, but it is worth a try.  For those of you who read what I write, let me know.  Good, bad, indifferent- it is all good to me.
I guess a good starting point is to discuss why I decided to undergo lap-band surgery. I have been fat, very fat, for years.  I am 5'6.5" (I always thought I was 5'7", but NYU tells me this is not the case).  Before I had surgery, I weighed over 320 pounds. At 31, I was unable to control my life. If this were just a weight issue I probably would have dealt with it, but it was not. I was unable to control my health, my future and my family. My excess weight made (and still makes) me more likely to die young (cancer, heart attack?), less likely to have a family during my short life and less likely to be able to enjoy so much of life due to my physical limitations. Don't get me wrong, my life is good. I have a fabulous husband (K), an amazing family and really awesome friends. I go out a ton, travel regularly and really live it up. But I knew that time was running out and these things that I so enjoy would, unquestionably, end. Travel became stressful, as cramming my ever expanding tush into an economy seat was all but impossible. K is always a good sport and takes the middle seat so I can hug the window, but he shouldn't have to.  Given that I fly several times a month, this was a real problem for me (and for us).  I had visions of us growing old together, but unless I made some serious changes to my life, K would be growing old with someone else... because I would die, not because he would leave me for a thinner model.
I was a really skinny child until I got my tonsils out at age 4. Before that I looked like a child who really needed to bite into a burger. After the surgery I was clearly the child who ate the burger, the cheese, the bacon, and the side of fries. I successfully dieted in part of my 20s, assuming success is measured by one's ability to simply lose weight. I lost about 70 pounds by taking copious amounts of Adipex while low-carbing over a year or two. I was certainly not skinny, but I looked and felt good, except for the headaches, the jitters, and all of the other fun and exciting side effects of speed and protein. And once I stopped my speed-induced diet, I gained the 70 pounds back plus an additional 70.
I always ate too much and was well aware of this fact. I ate too much of the good foods, and I did so because I was hungry. You would have been more likely to find me pigging out on sushi than on angel food cake with icing. The 'wrong' foods are really not my weakness. The only time I'd like that angel food cake is to squish it in Joy B@uer's face (on the Tod@y Show). What a PITA (pain in the @$$) that woman is- stop drinking soda and lose 50 pounds in a year, cut 3 eggs out of your 8 egg omelet in the morning to lose inches by bathing suit season. What about the rest of us Joy? What about the people who simply eat way too much of the 'good' foods and do so because our bodies tell us to keep eating. This is why I chose lap-band surgery: because a smaller stomach feels full faster. Once I am full, I stop. Getting full WAS the problem.


Catherine55 said...

So great to see you on here!! Looking forward to reading more! :)

Melissa Wolf said...

For someone who never journaled before, your writing is terrific :-) I can relate to much of your reflections. I joined your blog (privately so my photo doesn't show up) and am eager to hear about your progress! Haven't been banded yet-but am on track for Oct. surgery. Losing weight by counting calories now and trying to make each day positive. My blog is, for now, by invitation, so please send me your email address (mine is and I'd love to add you as a reader.

Anonymous said...

Wowza's do we ever have a lot in common! 31 (32 in about 2 months), 300 + to start. Youre just further along in the journey! I look forward to keeping up with your blog :)

Anonymous said...

getting to 'full' is my problem too! Its like my stomach is this bottomless pitt.

Looking forward to the rest of your journey!