Have you ever noticed that small people take up a disproportionate amount of space? They walk through areas without a care for the people or objects around them, leaving unsuspecting victims in their wake. They don't pay attention to their bags and coats, which wind up being used as weapons of mass destruction.
My husband is a prime offender. He is completely clueless when it comes to how much space he takes up. Last week when we went out to dinner, he knocked over a water glass on the table next to us when he walked past with his work bag. At a Christmas cocktail party he stepped backwards (for no apparent reason) and right into a very unhappy server. He seems to have no awareness of his surroundings and how he fits into these surroundings. I find that this is a common occurrence with people who have always been small. They just kind of do what they want without a care.
Bigger people, on the other hand, tend to be hyper aware of their surroundings. Because they are accustomed to squeezing into small spaces, they are cautious. They make sure their coats are off before walking past diners in a restaurant and pull in their bags to make sure they don't whack other diners. At parties, they make sure to walk around groups of people rather than squishing through them. When I was at my heaviest, I was SO cautious of how I handled myself in public. I knew that I would always be the fattest gal in the room, but I refused to be the fattest gal who also caused unnecessary disruption and annoyance.
As I get smaller, I realize that I am still a big person when it comes to space. I walk with my pocketbook in front of me when in a tight area, even though it is not necessary. At cocktail parties I always know not only who is next to me but whether people are behind me. I never back up without first taking a peak over my shoulder to ensure that the coast is clear. It's not that I view myself as being bigger than I am; it is just that I have carried over some habits from my former life.
Do any of you feel that you still have this fat radar even when at a more 'normal' weight?
6 comments:
You're so right. I think it comes from the 'I must not draw attention to myself' and the 'people will think I ... because I'm too fat and can't fit' thoughts.
I hope as I get thinner I will still be a fat person when it comes to space awareness.
Good lord lady! Every day I have this issue. I can not agree with you more how I am ever so cautious with the way I move and how I get from point A to point B.
I wonder if I will ever stop seeing myself as the biggest girl in the room and just see my self!
Yes! I agree completely! I still do it too, I'm hoping that now it just makes me appear considerate and aware of my surroundings :)
Small people also walk really heavily, I've noticed - my mom and 2 former roomies are all really tiny and they stomp around. Me? I walk like a cat - don't want anyone to accuse me of clomping around and open it up for a fat joke!
Yes, oh my gosh, yes! I feel like people are already looking at me as the biggest person around, so I try so hard not to do anything to draw even more attention to myself. I took my kids to a restaurant in NYC's little India and was absolutely *mortified* at the waiter who literally ran up to me as I entered and waved his hand, saying "you must sit in aisle chair! aisle chair, see?" The place was like flying coach with the seating - it's not like I'm not already hypersensitive, you schmuck.
You are reading my mind. I just wanna smack people down when they invade my space like that. I'm hyper aware as well, it drives everyone crazy...
Wow! I hadn't thought of this but you are absolutely right! I still do this...very aware of bumping into people or invading someone's personal space. You're also right...my smaller friends are all over the place.
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