I'm Baaack!

After two weeks in the states, I am back in London.  I return to NJ on September 4- I will barely have time to miss the place at this rate!
  

I saw Dr. K on Monday and had a mini fill (.2).  She had talked about doing .4 or .5 in the beginning, but we both like to keep me less filled due to my outrageous travel schedule.  I think the mini will work out just fine, and I will see her on September 19 in case I need a bit more.  So I asked Dr. K what my goal weight should be.  I mentioned that I thought it should be 155 because that would put my BMI below 25.  She looked at me and asked if I had EVER been at 155.  I have not, or more specifically, I have not been at or around 155 since I was... um... 13 or 14 maybe.  The lowest I have been as an adult was 180ish, and that was when I was popping Adipex like tic tacs.  Dr. K said that my initial goal should be getting below 200 lbs, and then we will go from there.  She said that she wants me to not only be at a good weight but be able to maintain that weight and that 190 might be the 'right' weight for me.  She wasn't saying that I should only get to 190 or that it should be my final goal- just that once I get to a more reasonable weight, it will be easier to see what really is manageable for me.  I thought this was a very rational way of looking at this process.  I was considering changing my ticker to take this into account, but I think I will keep it as is for now.  I kind of like seeing that I have come very far but that I still have a long journey ahead.  From following blogs it looks like a lot of women get to the point I am at now (BMI just under 40) and call it quits.  Not I!  While I am in much better shape than I was 8 months ago, remaining at my current weight will be a pure failure.  So I will keep my tracker as it is and remind myself of all the possibilities down the road.  I will reassess if necessary, but I am not there yet!
 

I saw my dad a few times during my trip.  He does not know about my surgery and spent months NOT noticing that I'd lost weight.  Now he's changed his tune and is complimentary about how I am looking.  Unfortunately, dad only knows how to give a compliment in an underhanded way.  He recently said that it looked like that I had lost about 80 lbs, and I told him he was pretty close.  His response was that losing the next 80 would be more difficult.  I was dumbstruck by his comment.  I wish I could say I was hurt, but I simply know this man too well to be hurt.  Dad has a picture of me from 3 years ago- from his 80th birthday.  I have not seen it, but it is was taken from behind and is not all that flattering.  Now every time we talk he tells me how he has to me this picture of when I was THIS big (picture little old man spreading his hands wide apart as he says this).  In addition, he now likes discussing how I am holding my weight while on vacation (this time picture said little old man looking me up and down while asking if I am able to travel without gaining weight).  I finally told him that he is inappropriate.  He thinks that he is being complimentary, but the reality is that he is not.  Every little compliment comes with a dig.  Telling your daughter that you have pictures of her when she was gigantic (and that you have held onto this picture for 3 years just to be able to rub it in her face) is not a compliment.  Checking up on your daughter's weight is not a compliment.  Telling your daughter that losing the next 80 lbs is going to be hard is not a compliment.  My dad is a control freak and is convinced that he knows how everyone should better run his or her life.  He is also obsessive with weight in general.  He weighs himself daily and has documented his weight in journals for decades.  He has been 202-205 for as long as I can remember, and he always says he will be down to 190 in the next 2 weeks.  This clearly never happens, but he insists that this is just around the corner.  I think this weight obsession is a bit nutty, but it explains why he has become so head over heals meddlesome regarding my weight loss.  I'd like to tell him that a simple "Nora, you are looking so good" would suffice, but the suggestion would be lost on him.
  

On a more upbeat note, mom and I spent yesterday morning getting pedicures (they were needed after spending so much time in the sand).  I had not seen my pedicurist since before our Italy trip in April.  We have known each other for years, and she actually wrapped her arms around me and gave me a kiss on the cheek when she saw how good I was looking.  It was very sweet. 
  

I hope to have the energy to work out today, but plane sleeping is pretty subpar.  We shall see how the gym goes after I buy some fish for my first day of mushies.